With or Without You
by meli-fan
Summary: A twist of fate and she's giving herself away for a little girl with hazel eyes, while she falls apart on the inside. He, well he is just like her: Miserable. But through the storm they reach the shore, together. Season 2 AU Rachel-centric
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer:__ I don't own anything, just my ideas and my creations._

_Part I_

She sees him for the first time, since he's back, in the hallway. There's a rather big group of students around him. She knows he must be telling stories about Juvie. As she passes him and his groupies she hears a bit of the story he was telling.

"… And the fucker had this kind of knife and he was trying to freakin' stab me with the thing, so I tried to defend myself and kicked the guy's ass, and all the guards went ballistic and they took us to some weird kind of cell…"

She didn't worry about his safety when he was in juvenile hall; she knew he would be alright. In physical terms, that is. It was his mental health that worried her.

More than anything, it was his emotional health what worried her constantly.

*/*

After Shelby had given her to her dads, when she was only a baby girl, she had stuck around. For nearly two years, her fathers allowed Shelby to be with her. "Babysit" her in a way. One day she phoned, she said she wouldn't come by that day, neither the next. She never did come back. Her fathers burned all of the pictures she had with Rachel and completely erased her from Rachel's life. Until she was sixteen.

Shelby did some kind of twisted scheme to get in contact with her. They met.

They didn't bond enough for Shelby's desires.

Jesse betrayed her (and egged her).

Shelby adopted another baby.

She told her dads about all that and, after they hugged her for hours, they admitted her that Shelby had initially stuck around. And all hell broke loose, because it was then that she realized that she was truly alone. Finn loved her, but she really wasn't in any emotional state to love anyone. She didn't have any real friends who cared about her, besides a boy who claimed to love her but that had the emotional intelligence of a rock.

She felt sad, abandoned, lonely, misunderstood, miserable and the worst of all: she felt like her light had died. Like a star that had stopped shinning.

She didn't sing that summer. She didn't cry. She just… breathed and tried to ignore the pain of being abandoned and tossed aside once more.

She went out with Finn, she eventually learned to live with that pain and understand that there were only two people who might possibly be as miserable as her.

Those two people hated her and, in a way, she resented them so much that she wouldn't have been able to talk to them anyway.

*/*

If there was something that bothered (more like, infuriated) her, were the people that presumed of being better than anyone else without having reasons to.

She had a reason to say that she was more talented than anyone in that school, because she was.

She never hated Quinn for claiming to be the most beautiful girl in school, because the blonde obviously was the most gorgeous girl in the whole city of Lima.

She never hated Adam Lang for saying he was a smarter than her, because even thought they both had straight A's, she knew he understood Math in a way she never would.

She hated those who bullied her because they believed to be superior to her without really having a reason.

She hated Noah Puckerman for years, because he forgot that she was also a person with feelings and (a broken) dignity.

She also hated the fact that he often said he was badass, when in her eyes he was much less badass than a regular student (even her).

*/*

She dated him because she thought that it would make Finn jealous. (It did.)

After that week, they never spoke again, unless Glee made it necessary.

(Except for an occasion where she needed him to make her more popular. It didn't work.)

They obviously never talked about neither Shelby nor Beth. But he continued to make snarky or/and sexual comments like if nothing had happened. Everyone assumed he was fine.

She seemed to be the only one to notice the broken look in his eyes, the fact that he started to brood even more than before, or than he was much more irritable and violent than before.

She asked constantly to Finn about his best friend's well being, to the point where his look became suspicious and accusing. He even begin to ask her if she wanted to get together with Puck. She realized that she had crossed a line and stopped asking altogether.

*/*

He came back from Juvie even cockier than before. He swore he was the more badass guy in the whole planet, or that he was Glee's savior because they couldn't win without him (which they couldn't.)

It pissed her off to no ends.

One day during Glee, he told her to shut up. She sent him an annoying look and continued her speech about the club's need to practice more complicated dance moves.

Surprisingly, Mr. Schue and nearly the whole club agreed with her and decided to go to the stage, so they could have more space to practice dance moves.

Mr. Schue gave her, Puck, Mike and Brittany a break because they were the best and he needed to focus in the others. The last two went to grab some food, and left her alone in the backroom with Puck. She leaned over to her bag, to look for her bottle of water.

"Hey Berry, thanks a lot for makin' us work even more"

"Considering the fact that Mr. Schue let you have a break, I would say you dancing abilities are superior and it doesn't take a lot of effort from you to perform advanced dance steps."

"Geez Berry, how can you talk so much? What do you do at night, read a thesaurus?"

"I read a lot at nights, and weekends. But not a thesaurus or a dictionary."

"Totally not badass, if you ask me…"

"I actually didn't ask."

He sent and angry look at her before he spat: "Well, that why you're such a loser!"

*/*

"Hey freak, do you know that some of us have better things to do than listening to whatever you gotta say?"

She closed her mouth and didn't even start the encouraging speech she had been thinking the whole practice when she noticed how difficult dancing was for some of her teammates.

They all left, including Finn who had to run an errant for his mother and promised to come by to her house later in the afternoon. Soon, she was left alone with Puck. She stared at him while he gathered his belongings, when he saw her standing there, he almost shouted,

"What do you want, Berry?"

"You're not badass."

"What do you know about being…"

"Take it from someone who has been through as much crap as you, maybe even more, and has never needed to bully others to feel worthy. You need to put others down to feel superior and you can't get over the fact that life took some thing from you. That's not very badass."

He looked at her stunned, and then she turned around and left without any other word.

*/*

Over the curse of the next weeks, nothing about him changed, except that sometimes she would catch him looking at her with a estrange expression that she couldn't describe.

One day, she's alone at her house (her parents are on a trip) studying when she gets a call from an unknown number. She picks up anyway.

"Hello?"

"Hi Rachel."

"Shelby?" (She almost called her mom, but then she remembered she really wasn't.)

"I know that we haven't talked in months…", Her voice sounded nervous and desperate, like if there was something extremely urgent that she needed to say.

"Are you alright?"

" …Yes, I'm alright." , an then another tense pause.

("Me too, thanks for asking, mother.")

"And Beth?"

"She's good too."

Long Pause.

"Shelby"

"Rachel"

"Why did you call?"

"I need a favor."

(She tries to ignore that feeling in her heart; Deception over the fact that she didn't call to check out on her daughter.)

"Of Course. What do you need?"

"Can you babysit Beth? I wouldn't be asking you if it wasn't real emergency. But I need to do something important and… I can't take Beth and I don't really have anyone I could ask this…"

"Yeah, sure."

Shelby came to her house and left her with Beth and all the necessary stuff. She had taken care of her younger cousins and really didn't have problems with babies.

Their reencounter was awkward, to say the least. She came in, didn't even asked her how she was, told her that if Beth cried too much she could sing to her and then she left.

She couldn't even ask her what the emergency was.

(She couldn't even ask her how she knew where her house was. Of course she knew why, but she wanted to see if she had the courage to tell her that this wasn't the first time she walked away.)

Beth was very quiet. She left her in the middle of her bed with a pillow wall around her and the baby's stuffed bear. She cried once and she feed her, the second time she cried, Rachel assumed it was because she wanted some mother's loving (she constantly repeated to herself that her fathers had given her all that too) and took the baby girl in her arms and started to sing to her.

Shelby arrived later at night; she answered all of Rachel's questions vaguely and without really saying anything. Then she asked her if she could do the same thing on Friday. (Later, she realized Shelby had left a few dollars on the table, like a common babysitter.)

She should've said no. She had plans with Finn.

But she said yes and said goodbye to her birth mother and her (other) daughter.

It took three glasses of water to scratch that sentence from her mind.

*/*

Noah eventually stopped looking at her like she was Ghandi and started to ignore her/piss her off all over gain. More than once she felt tempted to tell him that his daughter looked so much like him that it scared her.

Shelby kept asking her to babysit Beth. She pretended to ignore the fact that Shelby avoided her questions and used her acting skills into make her believe that she believed all her pathetic excuses. She did learn that her "grandmother" and "grandfather" had died a couple of years ago, with not much distance between their deaths. She had no "aunts" or "uncles" that could help her birth mother in this situation. Whatever problem Shelby had, she obviously didn't have anyone close to her to take her of her daughter and Rachel thought it was her duty to help the women who gave her life.

She successfully achieved her emotional goal of not feeling anything about the fact that Shelby kept treating her like a paid babysitter instead of a girl who was just looking after her little sister. Her dads had been worried about how it would affect her to take care of Beth, but after she showed no sadness, they let it go.

Finn, tired that she was constantly blowing him off and ignoring his questions, finally asked her why she was pulling apart and if she still wanted them to be together. Her lack of reaction to his ultimatum was all the answer he needed.

She couldn't honestly say why she seemed so…. Unaffected by their break up. She just knew that it didn't felt like the world's end or anything like that. Everyone assumed she was destroyed and treated her more nicely than before.

Except for one person: Noah Puckerman. If anything, he treated her worse because his ex-best friend was no longer protecting her.

She was pretty sure that if she told him she knew his daughter better than him, she would destroy him.

*/*

"Why?" She demanded. She had had enough, she deserved some answers.

"I already told you, I just can't pick her up from the daycare anymore. But if you can't do it either…"

"I don't have a problem with picking her up; I'm asking why you can't"

"I don't have time" responded Shelby, effectively avoiding her gaze.

"Why?"

"Work" Yet another lie, she had being doing a lot of that lately, when asked about her schedule.

"That didn't kept you from picking her up before"

"Rachel if you have a problem with this, just tell me"

"For God's sake, I just want you to tell me what's going on!" She didn't mean to shout and, scared to wake up Beth, she kept her voice low the next time she spoke, "...Well? Are you going to speak?"

"I'm sick" Admitted Shelby, longingly looking at a sleeping Beth in Rachel's arms.

"What? Is that why you can't have any more children?"

"When I had you… There were complications and I couldn't have anymore children. But that has nothing to do with this. Rachel, I have cancer… and it's very advanced…"

"How …God, I don't know what to say… Can it be cured?"

"I'm planning a trip to Columbus in a few weeks, but Beth…"

"I'll take care of her, don't worry."

That night, as she sits in her bed, all alone, she tells herself not to think about her mother's sickness, about the fact that she hide it for so long, the fact that she doesn't trust her enough to tell her that information, and the fact that she still thought that she had to pay Rachel for babysitting her sister when her mother needs it. She tries to ignore all the pain this causes.

It takes so many glasses of water to not feel it, that she losses count after the fifth.

*/*

The following weeks, she and Shelby plan the schedule they will follow when she's on her trip. She leaves for four days and when she comes back, she doesn't have good news.

After that, water becomes her best friend. It becomes the best comforter.

Now that Finn is no longer her boyfriend, people start to bully her even harder. The nicknames, the slushies, the backhanded comments, the isolation starts to become too much. Being with Beth, who always looks at her with love and a smile, becomes some sort of relieving thing.

The only problem is that with school, Glee and taking care of Beth she starts to get very tired. Then again, water starts saving her, it gets her all healthy and gives her energy, she doesn't even need to eat all that much.

The bullying becomes so much that she can barely take it. One day, she was in class and requested permission so she could go to the bathroom. She was on her way back when Azimio pushed her against a locker. When she confronted him (she called him a bastard for hurting a woman), he grabbed her arm and told her to 'fucking shut up or I will kill you and your faggot fathers, got it?'. Now she understood how Kurt felt all this time.

It took galleons of water to not cry in the middle of the hallway.

*/*

Over the course of the next weeks, Shelby starts chemo and radiation. She's commonly sick and more than once she had to go to her house and take care of her as well.

Her home was a one-storey, yellow house. It had two bedrooms and only one bathroom. It was so full of Beth's pictures it hurt her to the very core. She thanked water for numbing her pain, once again.

However, one day, she felt so much joy that it was impossible to not feel and make a happy dance.

"Do you feel better now?" she asked Shelby while tucking her in bed.

"Yes, thank you"

"No problem"

"I'm sorry that I have to put you trough this…All the throwing up and nausea…"

"It doesn't matter. Do you want me to stay? Like that I can watch over Beth and you can rest…"

"But you have school tomorrow"

"It wouldn't be a problem, really"

"Thank you, thank you so much"

"I'll be on Beth's room; you try to sleep some…" she starts to walk to the doo.

"Rachel?"

"Yes?" she looked at Shelby, all weak and sleepy eyes, looking at her with the slightest of smiles.

"You really are the best daughter a woman could ask for."

It was weird, because even thought she felt so much happiness, she still drank a whole bottle of water within a spare of a few minutes, because she felt so thirsty that she was sure she was gonna pass out from dehydration anytime soon.

*/*

When she suggested Shelby to shave her head, she kicked her out of her house, told her that she didn't needed her and that she was stupid and selfish for wanting to leave her bald.

She called five minutes later to apologize.

After that, thing get strained, and everything is filled with silence.

Sectionals are coming up, and they don't have Kurt, so a new girl joins but she nearly can't sing. So they have to work harder and harder to make _something decent._

When Shelby admits to her that she won't be there to see her but she knows Jesse is in town and will probably go (she tells her the freaking day before), not even water gets her out of that stupid depression that leads her to give up her solo and the duet with Finn. Only when Santana says that she stole her boyfriend's virginity and her solos, she admits that right night now, 'water numbing' is not working.

Everyone smiles at the fact that she finally shared the spotlight, except for Noah.

Friday arrives. Sectionals come and go, they win (it's a tie with the Wablers, Seriously? Aren't three judges supposed to avoid that?) And, for a second she sees a familiar flash of gorgeous hair, but it quickly gets missed in the crowd.

When she realizes that she wasn't invited to the after party, she goes home, calls Jesse and, when she confirms he's back in town, asks him if he wants to go out.

She goes to his hotel room with wine coolers and bear (she asked a guy outside the store to buy them for her), he tells her he wanted to hear her sing her solo, before admitting he only had eyes for her the whole performance and that was the only reason he came was to hear her sing.

She loses her virginity to Jesse St. James, the guy who egged her heart, in his hotel room around twelve pm.

(She tells her fathers she spend the night at Shelby's. She doesn't talk to Shelby at all for the rest of the weekend. Instead, she spends the following afternoon and Sunday's having sex with Jesse and drinking water until she was sure she broke a record.)

*/*

After a few months pass, chemo ends and Shelby prepares for surgery. She and her doctor are as optimistic as you can be in a situation like this.

Just like Shelby's mood improves, her worsens. She's tired. She's tired of her constant headache and dizziness, nausea included, She's tired of being bullied, she's tired of being alone, she's tired of not being Shelby's daughter, and she's simply tired of being.

Her parents notice and tell her to slow down, to eat more (she has lost five pounds in the last six months), they try to spend more time with her but , as weird as it may sound, being with company only makes her feel even more lonely.

They get another duet competition, but this times Mr. Schuester chooses their partners.

When she gets paired up with Noah Puckerman, she's sure she'll die. But it turns out they barely practice at all, only in free periods, which she thanks because if they had to work after class, then he'll probably found out about Beth.

She thinks he's very talented and has much more potential than many kids in the school, if only he worked harder and remained focused on his future.

"Listen Berry, I don't like you, you don't like me. There's no way we're gonna have some sort of singing chemistry and this is probably gonna end up shitty. So… don't get your hopes very high, ok?"

Their performance is way below 'Rachel Berry standards' but she doesn't even bother to care. When Artie and Mercedes win, she just takes a sip of water and keeps smiling fakely.

*/*

Shelby will be hospitalized for a long time. It not just one surgery, they are like, four. And she will have more chemo and radiation in between. Cancer is a bitch. The worst thing? You obviously can't be pessimistic around a patient, but you can't get too optimistic either.

Her parents get their guest room set up for Beth. They give people in the daycare her number so they can call her if anything happens. They plan a rip to Columbus after Shelby's second surgery, close to Beth's first birthday, so she can see (both) her daughter (s).

As Regionals come closer, their choreography gets better, mostly because they practice like, three times a week. She hates this, because it honestly worns her down and, even with her parents help, made it nearly impossible to take care of Beth.

Friday arrives, is the day of Beth's birthday, she wakes up and takes the little girl in her arms. The hazel-eyed baby girl starts cooing and smiling that perfect little smile of hers.

"Hey baby, do you know what day is today? Yes, today is your first birthday! You're a year-old baby girl…. Can you believe that? A few more years and you'll be going to preschool." Beth held up her hands and Rachel brought her up so she could hold to her neck while sucking her thumb. They sang Happy Birthday with both her dads before they left the house. They left her at the daycare and then took her to school, arriving just in time.

It was the end of the week and she was so tired she could barely keep herself awake. Beth had been crying a lot lately, clearly because she missed her mother, so Rachel had to wake up a lot to sing to her and get her to sleep. She skipped lunch to sleep in an empty classroom (she hasn't been hungry lately, anyway).

She starts to consider if maybe cancer is actually contagious, because she's never felt this bad before, and it's been happening since she found out about Shelby's illness. Then she remembers it's actually genetic, but if she thinks about that, she's never going to stop crying. (She tries not to think abut all the emotional baggage this whole thing has brought to her.)

Later, when the bell rings and she going to their extra practice for Regionals, whit people either ignoring her or insulting her, she gets a feeling something's wrong. She ignores it and goes to practice anyway.

Mr. Schue had just come in (he hasn't even started his pep talk) when her phone rings, everyone's still talking loudly but she can feel it vibrate in her skirt's pocket. It's the daycare, and since Mr. Schue is still talking to Brad, she decides to pick up anyway.

"Hello?"

"Ms. Berry? This is Stella Robinson, from Sunbeam Daycare. You're listed as Beth's second emergency contact…"

Time stopped for a few seconds as she realized that she had failed to her mother, she hadn't been able to properly take care of her daughter.

"Oh God, is she okay?" she said in a frantic tone, raising her voice and making her teammates stay quiet.

"She presented troubles for breathing and is now being taken to St. Rita."

"Oh God, Oh God, What am I suppose to do? Her mother is in Columbus! And I'm not even… Oh God… I'm going, I'm on my way!" she finished the call and, while standing up and ignoring her peers questions she called her father, who answered after only one ring.

"Hi star, how are…" he didn't even get to finish the sentence before Rachel got hysteric and started to ramble, sob and shout at the phone at the same time.

"Daddy… daddy… they had to take her to the hospital….Beth! Who else damnit! They… they…they had to take… her…. there because she… she… couldn't breath and… and I didn't bring my car… and Shelby is… so far way and… Daddy do something!"

Suddenly the phone was snatched away from her hands and before she knew it, someone was pulling her by the arm. Within two seconds she was in Puck's truck, crying like a little girl.

*/*

His knuckles were white as they gripped the steering wheel, concentration and confusion written all over his face.

After her sobs had stopped, the ride had become quiet and awkward. (She needed her bottle of water, now.)

"Rachel"

"Yes?"

"How long have you been taking care of my daughter?"

"For months now"

"Why?"

"Because… Shelby's sick. Cancer."

Silence. They're a few minutes from the hospital.

"I'm sorry"

"Yeah, me too"

*/*

Sometimes she wonders if hospital workers are pathologically insensitive. No, they can't tell her anything because she's not direct family. When Noah says he's the father, they tell him that, since he's not listed as family either, they can't tell him anything.

She gets loud and demanding, in typical Rachel Berry fashion, and the receptionist is this close to kick her out, until her daddy (the doctor one) finally shows up and calmly explains the situation to the receptionist.

Two hours later and a raspberry allergy confirmed, she's walking out of the hospital with Beth in her arms, and Noah looking at the girl with something she has never seen in his eyes.

Love.

*/*

Her daddy's night shift starts in two hours so they have dinner with Noah (her dad is in Cincinnati), and the whole situation is explained. Her daddy tells Noah that, as someone who adopted a baby himself, he's very proud of his decision, since he knows it must have been hard to give up Beth.

Rachel knows that perhaps Noah never had a parental figure who told him they where proud of him, so she looks up to see his reaction. It's the first time in months that she sees him smile an honest smile.

Her daddy goes to work and she's left alone with her sister and his biological father. (Who she used to "date".)

She offers him to stay the night if he wants to. He agrees. He lulls Beth to sleep and the girl never cries in the whole time she spends with her father.

Breakfast it's awkward, but he seems happy to feed breakfast to his baby girl. He needs to go back home, but he says he'll come by her house later.

When he's leaving, he thanks her and kisses her cheek.

She smiles for the first time in months.

*/*

She called Shelby and told her what happened to Beth. She didn't call yesterday because she didn't want to worry her.

She also asks her if it's alright for her if Noah comes to see Beth. She thinks about it for a second before saying yes. She reassures her that the only thing that will happen is that he will come visit her, he won't take her to his house or anything like that.

Shelby sounded exhausted and something in the tone of her voice told Rachel that she was having one of those days… days where she got depression and nausea and all that.

Noah comes by after lunch to spend the day with her and Beth (and he phrased it that way) and she makes a horrible companion. It's just that she can't get out of her head the way in which Shelby talked, like if every word she spoke left her without a voice and left her out of breath.

He's sitting in the floor tickling Beth, he brought a teddy bear (birthday present, she figured he would remember in which day she was born) and desert for both of them. She's just sitting on the sofa, drinking water and reading The Catcher in the Rye.

"What's wrong?", He asks suddenly

"Uh?" , She's looking out the window, trying to avoid his gaze.

"You're like, very quiet, that's not normal."

After thinking for a moment she realizes that she might as well tell him the truth, since they're going to be sharing much more as of now.

"It's Shelby".

"You didn't…. You guys didn't got in to a fight because of. ..Me, right?"

His worried expression makes her melt, because he seems to understand that this new agreement doesn't only have repercussions on his relationship with Beth, but on other's relationships too.

"No, actually she agreed very easily. That's what worries me."

"Why?" He looks very confused, brow furrowed and all.

"It's just that, she's terribly insecure about Beth, it's very weird that she agreed so easily into this."

"Yeah, but it's not like if Quinn is asking her to share custody, I'm just the father who's asking some time with his daughter."

"I see your point, but it still affects this whole…thing."

"Why do you think she agreed then?"

"Because… I think my mom is dying"

He looks at her with an 'I'm sorry' expression and goes back to play with Beth.

She just keeps drinking water.

_Tbc…_

_P.s.: If you find any mistakes, please let me know._


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer:__ I don't own anything, just my ideas and my creations._

_Part II_

There's calm before the storm. Like a couple of months that are pretty cool before everything goes downhill.

A few weeks after Noah's reencounter with his daughter, Shelby comes back. She's thinner, paler and apparently sicker.

See sometimes, surgeries?

Sometimes they don't work.

They couldn't get out all the tumor and the freakin' things keep spreading. All the money, all the pain, all the time: wasted. It's a complete deception,

That only means one thing; all the money Shelby pays her?

Rachel is spending it on water.

*/*

When they show you in the movies that people 'give up' and decide to 'enjoy their last days of live' it's all false. Or, at least, is not as easy to choose as it seams.

Because, well, one doesn't want to give up. Shelby giving up life means that she won't see her baby girl grow up. (And she won't see the other one become a Broadway star.)

Besides, it's hard to enjoy life when, basically, life is skipping away from you and you feel worse and worse everyday that passes.

So, Shelby decides to fight to the very end, because dying it ain't as nice as in The Bucket List.

Besides, one really needs to be brave to stop fighting for your live. Shelby isn't known for her braveness.

(Remember the daughter she abandoned because she was afraid of being a mother?)

*/*

Monday at school was weird. Of course nobody from the student body knew anything about Beth, but they fact that she had arrived to school with Puck gave people something to talk about.

Every New Direction member she crossed looked as her strange, like if she was someone whose secret had been revealed. Quinn and Finn were the only ones who avoided her.

She didn't let herself been affected by this and continued her day with normality, sipping water every time she felt uncomfortable.

*/*

Rachel and her dads (and Shelby) let Noah pick up Beth from daycare (with Rachel) and then go to her house and spend the afternoon there. Then, Shelby would pick up Beth after work/chemo and he would leave.

They didn't exactly become friends; they didn't watched movies together or shared their not-similar musical interest or stuff like that. But they did talk.

They talked about his deadbeat dad, her workaholic dad, his neurotic mom, her overprotective daddy, his 'pain-in-the-ass' sister, school gossip, their views about school and college, their mutual desire to get out of Lima. Their favorite topic: Beth.

Never, ever, would they dare to talk about Shelby, her sickness or what would happen to Beth in case of…

*/*

"Hey Rach?"

"Yes, Noah?"

"You're… Well, you're like adopted right?"

"Not really"

"But, you know… You do have a parent who gave you away and one who took you without any, like, blood relation."

"I suppose that's right."

"And, you didn't grow up traumatized or anything like that, right?"

"No Noah, my craziness is not a result of abandonment issues."

"Cool. So, no harm for Beth, right?"

"Last time I checked, Beth had an awesome mom and a badass dad, so I don't think so."

He smirked and turned his attention to his daughter.

(She's certain that her craziness isn't a result of abandonment issues, but she can't talk about other parts of her character.)

*/*

She tried to be subtle about it, she didn't want Noah to notice that she was talking to his ex baby mama, but it proved to be a hard task.

Finally, one day, she managed to corner her and Sam and simply asked:

"Can we talk? In private?" She tried to sound less abrasive than she usually was; she didn't want the blonde to get pissed.

"Yeah, I think, I think we need to talk" Quinn asked Sam to wait a few minutes while the two girls talked in an empty classroom.

"So… What now?"

"I assume you already guessed that I'm taking care of Beth."

"You're babysitting her, right? That's what Puck told me. That you were taking care of her when Shelby couldn't" Explained the blond with a soft expression.

"You talked to him?" She was surprised, she though that Noah had been quiet.

"Yeah, to explain how thing were." Soon, the hardness and 'bitchness' came back to her face and looked at her with a scowl. "So if that's all you needed to tell me…"

"I came to tell you that, if you want to see her, I can ask Shelby to…"

"I don't want to see her, period."

"Okay, it's just that I guessed that, since she's your daughter…"

"She's not my daughter, she's Shelby's daughter."

"Fine, I won't disturb you anymore."

"Yeah, leave me alone."

Maybe that's how Shelby managed to keep herself away from her, thinking that she wasn't her daughter.

*/*

Regionals are good. Santana and Finn do the duet, and then they made their group song. The Warblers placed first, but at least they beat Vocal Adrenaline for the second spot.

She doesn't know why, but Kurt and Mercedes (and by extension, Tina and Blaine) become her friends. They are not exactly close, they don't really talk about anything personal, but they include her in their shopping trips and various trips activities. She likes it. She doesn't consider them her closest people, but is nice to hang out with people her age; she never had that, really.

One thing she dislikes thought, is that they commonly criticize her figure, they tell her she's too thin and she should eat more and she honestly doesn't feel like they have any right to tell her so. She mentions this to Noah, but he actually agrees and starts to lecture her on proper eating habits (seriously? Him?) and she decides that the conversation is over.

Sometimes, they take Beth to his house because he has to look after his sister. Dani is sweet and often asks her to paint her nails and try hairdos on each other. Noah would later give her a ride home while taking Beth to Shelby's. Sometimes she cooked and the Puckerman family usually enjoyed a dinner with her.

*/*

He's strumming with his guitar while she does homework, she doesn't know in which moment they started to hang out without Beth, but now it's just common. Sometimes they go to the cinema or just watch movies at home, go check out gigs at some places or go to the grocery together.

"Why do you think Quinn didn't want me as a father for Beth?"

"Because… Well, because you weren't her boyfriend?"

"But after things came out…"

"Wait. I've never apologized for that."

"It's okay."

"No it's not, it wasn't my secret to tell and I did it for selfish reasons, hurting a lot of people in the way. I'm really sorry I did to all you."

"Apology accepted. Honestly? I was dying to do it myself, I mean, I didn't wanted to ruin my friendship with Finn, but it had to be said. In the end, I thing it was good that you told him the truth."

"Good. Then, what were you asking?"

"Why, after all the shit came out, she still didn't want me as a father?"

"I think… She didn't want to get attached."

"But…"

"Listen Noah, she's very self-centered okay? I'm terribly selfish and egocentric; I can smell those characteristics in other people. She was scared and thinking about herself only; she was scared that by having a baby she would stay trapped in this town and not achieve all her goals, she was scared of the fact that she would have to worry about someone who is not herself!"

"But why Finn…"

"Because he's not the brightest person out there, with him, she could tell him that she wanted to give it away, choose everything, order him around, get rid of his baby and still be the perfect couple. But that's not the case, you wanted a part in this, you wanted to voice your opinions, she couldn't deal with you."

"I never saw it that way."

"Well, maybe you just needed a friend to make you see it."

*/*

She's not sure when it happens, because it starts slowly but surely, it comes to a point where she can't deny it anymore: she doesn't feel anything when she sings anymore.

The passion, the thrill and excitement of singing is gone, and honestly? It scares her to death. Because, she knows everyone hates her (except for a few people), and that she's not really pretty, but people always adored her when she sang, even if they denied it, she knew it was because she looked much more alive and happy when she sang.

If she loses the emotion of her singing, she loses the little part of her that is proud of herself.

*/*

Jesse comes home twice for a couple of long weekends; both times her parents are away. She gets his mail a week earlier and plans the whole thing. She tells her parents that she's staying with Shelby, but they better call her to her cell phone, so they won't wake up or disturb either the Beth or Shelby herself (she's very tired all the time).

She tells Shelby and Noah that she's going with her parents, so they can make plans without her. Finally she and Jesse plan everything so they won't need to leave his hotel room.

She doesn't know why she does it, really. She doesn't feel the need for sex. She though that after she had her first time, she would start to crave sex or something equally as… 'Noah-ish'. But she doesn't, she doesn't feel desire for it at all.

Sex with Jesse means to her one thing: revenge. She doesn't mean revenge in the sense of hurting him; she just enjoys the satisfaction of hearing him say that he can't get her out of his head, that he had to come to see her…

She knows it's mostly because he's guilty. But there's wicked part of her that loves to see him suffer because of her. A part of her that, when he says that he wants her so much, is glad that she doesn't feel anything, because it means she's hurting him even deeper without him knowing.

She tells her dads that her weekend with Shelby was nice. She tells Noah that she better not mentions the trip around her dads because they 'had one of those stupid couple fights and, even though it's all good now, it's better to not mention the trip at all'.

Before she notices senior years comes, and she doesn't even feel excited about it. She was full of expectations for last year, and they all blow right in her face, so she decides that she mustn't put to much pressure in destiny.

*/*

It's weird because, at the beginning, she associated 'seeing Beth' with 'seeing Shelby', now she associates her to 'seeing Noah'. It's not that she stopped talking to Shelby; it's just that they no longer see each other so often.

It unsettles her a little, because at the beginning she kind of expected this to make her bond with her mother. But after all, she only called her 'mom' (and considered her like one) in one particular moment, and she wasn't even around.

The fact that Shelby doesn't even try to contact her if Beth doesn't make it necessary gets her all depressed and, combined with the fact that she's been all lethargic lately, makes her look like those heartbroken teenager in the movies. The worst part? Her parents notice, Noah notices, bur Shelby doesn't.

(Seriously, she called her her daughter, shouldn't she notice?)

It's actually starting to become a problem with her parents because she doesn't eat enough, but she's just not hungry. They insist she must get a doctor for all those headaches and nausea, constantly ask her why she's so… down, and at some point even ask her if she's pregnant, which offends her and she gets all 'screaming hormonal teenager' on them. So things get a little tense on the parent front.

But at least her parents work and she can avoid them during the day. Noah? Not so much. At lunch, he fills her tray with food, sits with her and forces her to eat it all. She usually ends up vomiting after all, is not really on purpose and it's totally disgusting but what can she do if she fulls herself with food when she's not hungry?

So, with her stupid decadent health and the bullying of the stupid hockey team and Karofsky's minions she's totally down. The final straw comes a Wednesday, when she's tired of yesterday's glee's practice (which has never happened before, she used to be super full of energy) when Dave passes and makes some comment she just lets out a huff and gives him some lame comeback.

When he grabs her arm with excessive force and turns her around, tells her to shut up, she's seriously wondering what the hell his problem is. So, she does the most stupid decision she ever did (including the whole Shelby-Beth-thing) and tells him so.

"Seriously, what the hell is your problem?"

"Who do you think you're, faggot's spawn, you don't talk to me! You heard me, bitch?", then he proceeds to push her against the lockers.

In the fraction of a second that it takes her to hit the metal, she sees several things; first she sees Noah running to Dave and swinging back his right arm, secondly she notices Mercedes and Tina exciting the girl's bathroom with surprise all over their faces and, barely a few meters behind them, she can identify the form of one Sue Sylvester.

Then, there's pain and it all goes black.

*/*

Even though she has her eyes closed, she knows she's in a hospital bed because of the position in which she is and because she can feel an IV in her arm and she can hear the ECG. She can also feel someone gripping her hands. Well two, she can easily identify their touch: her daddy and Noah. She can hear voices too (one is her daddy's and the other is unknown, so it must be a doctor or a nurse), but she doesn't want to open her eyes right now.

"So, she's going to be alright?" asks her dad.

"Yes Hiram", responds her daddy who, she supposed understood everything the doctor said. She felt Noah's fingers caressing her face and she almost opened her eyes, curious to see his.

"Leroy, there's something else." began the doctor seriously.

"What is it, Tom?", once again, she felt both her hands being gripped tightly.

"Rachel is suffering a major case of hyponatremia; I'm surprised she hasn't passed out yet."

"What the hell is hypoartemia?"

"Noah"

"Hyponatremia", corrected the doctor that she now identified as Dr. Tom Geise, one of her daddy's friends. "It means her levels of sodium are dangerously diluted, like water intoxication."

There's one large silence before her daddy speaks. She opens her eyes, but nobody notices, they are all looking at each other, disbelief in their eyes.

"It' all so clear now." Mutters her daddy, with a thoughtful expression, after a long silence.

"What honey?"

"Rachel, she was always tired, lost appetite, she always had headaches or nausea, and she was confused and irritable." Dr. Gaise nodded, like if approving of all his list of symptoms.

"Very irritable" pointed her dad.

"She also used to throw up." Added Noah, who looked sick worried, "I would force her to eat something at lunch, but sometimes she would throw it up."

"But… How does that happen?" asked her dad. Dr. Geise answered immediately.

"Since I know she doesn't suffer any pathology, I assume it's the cause of a bad diet."

Her daddy nodded before adding: "In the case of a healthy young girl like Rachel, it must me a horrible diet"

"Wait, it's like an excess of water, right?"

"Right"

"Well, check this out", Noah let go of her hand (she missed the contact) and walked to a table where her clothes and her schoolbag was. He opened her bag and took her bottle of water showing it to them. "She drinks like ten of this a day."

There's a moment of silence before her daddy mutters something like 'water always made her feel better' and then her dad asks something that honestly pisses her off.

"You think she did this on purpose?"

"And with what purpose exactly, dad?", she nearly screams, not believing that he actually insinuates that she wanted to…

Everyone turns to look at her.

"Rachel, hi, I'm Dr. Tom..."

"Geise, I know, don't bother telling me my condition, I know I'm fine. Can we go back to the part where my dad was saying I wanted to drink myself to death?"

"Honey I never meant to…"

"Sweety you dad didn't want to…"

"Rachel, you need to remain calm…

"Rach, calm the fuck down"

She met Noah's worried gaze for a second before closing her eyes and tuned them all out. They were making her dizzy and Noah seemed to notice because he told them all to shut up. After a few seconds there was silence again.

"Can you all remain quiet so that I cam sleep, thank you very much."

Before falling sleep, she felt Noah's finger intertwine with hers.

*/*

It was always funny to Rachel how simple things were sometimes.

By physically hurting his peers, Noah Puckerman managed to avoid being hurt by his peers. As simple as that.

It also works by association.

Amazing thing, what fear does. Rachel didn't know why, but he had managed to lay down the bullying.

Also, Noah starts to act as her personal nurse. He's with her all the time, to check out if she's eating properly and taking care of herself. She kinda likes it.

Specially because Kurt is back and now Karofsky is gone and everyone is happy, and Glee club seems to like her more (she thinks mostly they're guilty they never defended her from Karofsky), so thing are good in general.

At first she's expecting thing to change quickly, but as months pass and thing stay as good as before, she starts to get used to it and actually believes that her senior year at McKinley and her last year at Lima would be a nice one.

Big mistake.

*/*

It's Friday and she's desperately searching her history copybook when she suddenly remembered that Noah had asked her for her notes earlier. Determinated to find him before the bell rang, she closed her locker and ran straight into Finn.

"Oh, hi Finn.", she said, shifting awkwardly in her place, besides Glee club related things, they don't really talk.

"You remember my cousin Clark? You met him once, during the summer we dated."

"I think so, yes, didn't he work as a hotel receptionist?"

"Yeah, remember the hotel's name?"

It took her exactly three seconds to realize what was going on. She opened her eyes and looked directly at Finn's hurt and angry ones.

"He told me 'good thing you got rid of that girl' before starting to tell me that you and Jesse enjoy weekends there fucking like rabbits! I should have known you had given it up to that asshole, you're such a hypocrite, getting all offended when the Santana thing happened when you were screwing with him since the beginning…"

He's screaming and people are turning to look at them, Tina, Kurt and Mercedes pop out of nowhere, and she sees Noah, Mike and Santana come closer behind Finn's back and tries to calm Finn but it goes awry.

"Finn, please…"

"Please nothing! I can't believe you're such a whore to sleep with that guy, what the hell, Rachel? Can you really go that low?"

Everybody is forming a circle at us and they are staring and she seriously wants to die right now.

And then… Anger comes.

"Listen to me, Finn Hudson. You have absolutely no right to be angry at me. Who do you think you are, my boyfriend? Well guess what, not anymore! Besides, since you slept with Santana and lied about it, I don't think you deserve to be angry at all."

""I wouldn't have dated you at all if I had known you were such a slut!"

Everyone gasps as his accusation and she nearly slaps him, but she doesn't really want to make a scene. (Too late.)

There's a general silence where the bell rings, people start to move, but the glee club stays, curious about who are they fighting about.

"Stop calling me names! You have no right! You're no angel, either. I mean, who are you kidding, you were lying through our whole relationship!"

"I damn have a right if I'm part of a club where our own captain is screwing the enemy!"

"He graduated; he's not the enemy anymore!"

"Please Rachel, that douche will always be the motherfucker that stabbed us behind your backs."

"Oh Finn, please grow up! It doesn't matter anymore!"

"How can it not matter to you?"

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because it's wrong!"

"What's wrong about it? I'm single, he's single!"

"Rachel, you fucking Jesse St. James is not right!"

There's a silence before every single glee club member present shouts a 'what?' and then, she decides it's the moment to run.

*/*

She picks up Beth early from daycare and goes straight home to drink water like crazy, after a few bottles, she runs in the bathroom to puke her guts out. She cleans herself off and decides to spend some time with the girl who's already in her baby talk phase. Usually it's just a bunch of nonsense that leaves all of them rolling on the floor laughing, but she's got bunch of words too.

Beth calls Shelby 'mama', she calls Noah 'dada' (she was there that day, she and Noah hugged each other and the look on his face nearly took her breath away). She calls her 'sissy' or 'Wach' (maybe because Noah calls her Rach), which she finds incredibly cute. She actually formed a list of all her words, just so that one day, when she grows up, she can show to her what her first words were.

Noah comes around the time school ends. He rings the doorbell and her hands are trembling when she opens the door for him.

He avoids looking at her and goes straight to Beth, who giggles as soon as she sees him and says 'dada' in her sweet melodic voice. He plays with her for a few minutes and then announces he's taking the little girl to the park and then he would leave her with Shelby. He doesn't even asks her opinion or for her permission. She knows why he's pissed.

"Hold on, you can't be angry at me!"

"Why not?"

"Well… you have no right… none of you have any right to be angry, it's my life!"

"See Rachel, we wouldn't mind if you were fucking half of Vocal Adrenaline…"

"See? You don't even worry about me and… "

"How can you say that? I worry about you; you did notice that I was stuck to your bed for twenty four hours, right?"

"Nobody asked you to…"

"Exactly, that means that I worry, Jesus…"

"What are you even mad about? I bet you slept with all of the girls in Vocal Adrenaline…"

"No, I'm not a traitor like you!"

"He's not in Vocal Adrenaline anymore!"

"That doesn't matter; he's still a douche bag who totally screwed us over!"

"Get over it already!"

"Is the sex really that good?"

"Noah, not everything is about sex!"

"What else is it about? Because from what Finn told me…"

"Oh, so you two talk now?"

"Yes, we do! And from what he told me, all you did was lock yourself in a hotel room for a weekend and jump like bunnies…"

"Noah!"

"I can believe you even let that guy touch you! He fucking egged you!"

"Last time I checked, you barely cared about glee club and now you're all…"

"This is not about fucking glee!"

"What is it, then?"

"This is about you!"

"What do you even mean by that?"

And then he kissed her. Like she had never been kissed before, with passion and wanting, and she felt fire and at the same time got goosebumps all over her skin.

His hands were firmly around her waist pulling her close to his body, His tongue darting inside her mouth, fighting for control against her own.

They kissed until they had no air left, their lips parted and he touched her forehead with his, looking her in the eye. Then he let himself out of their embrace, picked up Beth and her stuff, and then left.

*/*

Did Noah Puckerman, school's stud, like her? Maybe he just thought she was hot? This was true, he had never hidden it, but at the same time, he had never acted on it. What had changed? Did he want to be her boyfriend? Because, if she was being honest with herself, she did like Noah. He was funny and very honest; he was very protective of his family, which make her feel very safe with him.

Who was she kidding, really? He was Puck, after all, he was known for his reputation as the sex god of Lima, Ohio and he would never ever fall for a girl. Sure he liked her and cared about her, but that didn't mean he considered her 'potential girlfriend material'. Even if he thought she was hot.

Later that afternoon, she was cooking dinner for her and her fathers when her phone ringed.

"Hello?", she asks in a 'busy' tone, but nearly faints when the other person responds.

"Ms. Rachel Berry? We are calling you from St. Rita Hospital, Shelby Corcoran was admitted ten minutes ago with troubles for breathing and we need you to come over immediately."

"Is she okay?"

"You must come immediately, it's a serious situation."

She's out the door in minutes, calling her fathers and Noah, explaining to them what happened.

From now on? Everything goes downhill, and there's not enough water in the world to make it better.

It's the beginning of the end.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer:__ I don't own anything, just my ideas and my creations._

_A.N.: I'm so incredibly sorry it took me so long to update, my mother got really sick, continues to be very sick and I got so worried my muse kinda died, but I promise, I'm haven't forgotten and I don't plan on abandon this story._

_Also, this__ story is obviously focused in Rachel and is entirely from her POV. But after the events in this chapter, it may be nice to change that a little. If you're interested in a Puck-POV chapter, let me know._

_Part III_

Water, she needs water badly and if she doesn't get it soon she going to loose it. She's this close to pull a gun to her head to stop the feeling of… feeling.

Anxiety is totally ruining her nerves, because, seriously, why do they call her if they won't tell her anything at all? She knows the doctor is busy saving Shelby's life, but couldn't they send someone so she doesn't kill herself in the process of waiting?

Eventually Noah arrives and, as soon as he enters the waiting room, she's pleading for some cash.

"Rachel? What happened?" he asks for the twentieth time, completely ignoring her request.

"Noah, do you have money I can borrow?" she frantically asks, leaving him with a confused expression.

"What? How's Shelby?"

"I'll give it back to you later, just please…"

"What the hell is going on? What happened to Shelby?"

"Can you just please give money for a bottle of water? I'll explain later."

He gives in, thought she's pretty sure he doesn't want to, but needs to do it in order to get something out of her.

After she had drowned herself in a bottle of water, she explains to him the little information she has: Shelby was in the grocery when she passed out, they brought her to the hospital with troubles for breathing and now they have to wait until the doctor comes to explain.

*/*

Is funny (well, not really) all the things you begin to think in this situations. She doesn't have many memories of good times with Shelby to dwell on; after all, she was never her mom. The only thing she could recall as a good experience was her eighteenth birthday earlier in the year; it had been a small gathering of her few friends (Noah, Kurt, Mercedes, Artie, Brittany, Tina and Mike), her dads, Noah's family, Beth and Shelby.

However, even thought it was the first time in a long long time she had friends over to celebrate, she felt something was off. It didn't took too much of an effort to realize what was it; the obvious tension between Shelby and her.

There were too many thing unsaid and to many avoided gazes, like if they both knew that there really wasn't a place for Shelby in her life. Like, when she remembers all her short life, she's not present in it and there's no special feeling there.

But, as everything lately, things changed that day.

Their hug had been awkward, but it had something they had never really showed to each other: affection. For the first time she had felt like her mother had hugged her. Granted, it wasn't an 'I'm your mommy and I'm happy I have seen you become such a beautiful lady' kind of hug, but it was a motherly hug. And it had been the best gift of the day.

(Even if it made her lock herself in the bathroom to cry for five minutes before Noah managed to make her smile again.)

So now that she sat in a waiting room, Beth in her arms, that scene was the only thing in her mind. It kept repeating itself over and over again.

*/*

The first person that calls her is Kurt, apparently because Noah was freaking out at her catatonic state and wanted someone to get her out of it. He was very understanding, maybe because he knew what the feeling was like, and simply told her to remember he's there for her and that not everything was lost.

Later, the doctor came out to give them the news. And they weren't good.

Prepare yourself…

You better get ready…

If you got something to say, say it now…

She hates when medicine has uncertainties. Her mother, the women who gave her life, could have either hours or a few weeks to live. They couldn't actually tell her how much she had left, it was… uncertain.

Noah, Beth, her dads and her ended up all together in Shelby's room waiting for her to wake up, when visiting hours ended the nurse told them to get out and come back tomorrow.

(It was truly sad when Beth kept saying 'mommy' and they had to keep her quiet, which made the girl cry silently in her sister's arms.)

She didn't wanted to go back home, she didn't know why she felt such a repulsion to the place, but she did understand that she didn't want to sleep in the same room where Shelby had sung her lullabies as a baby.

So she jut holds Noah's hand in a death grip and doesn't let go until they're in the hospital parking lot and both her parents notice that she's pretty much uncomfortable with the idea of going home and Noah, being as wonderful as he is, offers his place for her to stay.

The whole ride to his place is quiet, the only one making any sound is Beth, and even she seems to notice the tension, because she is much more silent than usual.

(Actually, Beth is quiet the talker, which surprised every single one of their friends.)

*/*

Even thought she was in a moment of weakness, Noah didn't exactly take advantage of her. Actually, she's pretty sure that, after they got Beth to sleep, she was pretty much hurling her body on top of him. And he didn't stop her for a number of reasons.

Number one, he is Noah "Puck" Puckerman, he's Lima stud, sex shark, whatever he calls it. And, he's always saying she's hot, so she knew it was going to happen.

Number two, she wants him, and he wants her, period.

Number three, he seems to like her, and she certainly likes him, so there's really nothing wrong about them.

Number four, he makes her feel better. Just by being with her, he makes things less painful.

They're making out in his bed, he stops to take some air and she does the same, closing her eyes, loving the feeling of closeness between the two of them. He's giving her this short kisses on her shoulder, and when he starts to go up to her neck, she lets a loud moan that makes both of them chuckle and stop their kissing.

After a few seconds of lying there together, he turns to her and locks her hair behind her eras and asks the question she's been dreading. "How are you?"

"I'm okay."

"You don't have to lie to me."

"I'm good, it's not like she passed away or something." I shrugged.

"Yeah but, she almost did."

"I can't believe you just said that! That is so… insensitive!"

"Have you listened to yourself?"

She stared at him for a few minutes before she looks up to the ceiling. He feels his fingers gently caressing her face before he murmurs, "what are you thinking about?"

"Do I look a lot like Shelby?" she asked shyly, not wanting to meet his gaze.

"Yes, a fucking lot, but you already knew that. Why do you even ask?"

"It just… when Shelby…", she choked when she tried to say the words," when it happens, well Beth is barely two and I wonder if she will ever remember Shelby…"

I let my voice wonder and he doesn't answer the question.

"I look a lot like her, maybe that'll out her at ease when she misses her mom."

It goes unsaid that I will miss Shelby. After a few minutes, he starts to play with strands of my heir and starts kissing my shoulder.

Turns out Jesse was selfish in bed and didn't really gave her real satisfaction, either that or really bad, which she doesn't think he is because he had a reputation at Carmel High.

But that's totally not the point.

The point is that Noah made her feel like she had never felt before. The shiver that went down her spine when he took her clothes off was a new and exhilarating feeling.

She always thought that Noah 'Puck' Puckerman was so lucky with woman because he made whatever kinky dream they had come true (and he had a wonderfully defined body). Now, she is sure it isn't because he does whatever women say, but because he knows what a woman needs. At least it happened with her.

He was sweet and very tender, but it was the most passionate sex she ever had. It was honestly the first time she had felt any kind of sexual attraction towards anyone and it made her a little bit excited.

It happens and afterwards he lends her a shirt so she can sleep in it and he holds her in a tight embrace.

*/*

They don't talk about what they are as a couple (or any of that movie-like moments) later because after Shelby wakes up, they have a lot of planning to do. She's going to have to remain hospitalized, but she can get out for a few hours, which she mostly spends going to a nearby park with Beth.

Shelby hires a lawyer and, along with her dads and Mrs. Puckerman, they all agree that, after she's gone, Beth should stay with both teens. She prepares all the legal stuff and soon enough everything is ready.

If (when) something happens, Noah and she will share the custody.

It's a horrible thing, what happens after that, it's like they are waiting for something they don't want to happen, but they know it will and they feel bad for the fact they're expecting it.

When everyone is feeling awful and are having troubles and pessimistic thoughts, they all search for thing to distract them selves from the agony. Her dads start to engage in different activities, including tennis and a reading club. Noah begins to spend more time playing sports and working to get money for Beth's future bedroom in his house, and she also thinks he even started avoiding her.

It's really easy to fall in to old habits like that. They stop keeping an eye on her (she really misses Noah trying to shove food into her mouth), so she starts walking the red-rimmed road of self-destruction she had been on before. Ballet class, modern dance class, piano lessons, glee, morning work out and a lot of pressure, they all ended up with her drinking so much water she even felt responsible for the Earth's decrease of water. Both of her dance teachers tell her she could 'loose a few pounds' (she doesn't blame you, all that water makes her stomach swell) so that's when her stupid diet started.

With everyone so busy, they don't notice her eating less and losing weight or looking like a zombie.

*/*

Noah and she weren't dating, they were barely friends. He still sat with her during Glee, lunch and any class they shared, they still babysit Beth together, but they don't do the other stuff. No more going to the movies or eating dinner together.

But sometimes, she catches him staring, yes staring, at her with a yearning look that unnerves her to the point she wants to yell at him; it seemed so odd that he was so gentle and romantic when they had sex (he kept whispering sweet nothings in her ear the whole time and cuddled afterwards) and now he was so cold and… different.

She honestly doesn't know when she began to develop feeling towards Noah, but they were there now and she was mad at him for treating her like just another one night stand.

Idiot.

Honestly, what else can you expect from a straight handsome man?

Asshole.

*/*

Kurt and Mercedes, and occasionally Tina, take pity on her (or so she thinks) and hang out with her as much as she makes it possible for them. They try to cheer her up and make her forget her problems, usually taking her and Beth to fun places.

When they decide to take her to a shopping trip, things go awry. They are in food court and since they're no vegan fast food places and she's not even touching French fries or anything like that, she just drink water and eats a fruit salad.

"Rachel, we need to talk." Kurt speaks up.

"What about?"

"Diva, Mercedes and I've noticed that, well you're not looking very good recently."

"My mother is dying, seriously guys." , not that she has showed many sings of caring, but still, it's a good excuse.

"We know, and you have to remember we are here for you for anything…"

"But that was not what we meant at all."

"This is about, the way you look…" , typical Kurt.

"Kurt, I'm not getting surgery for my nose, Barbra did just fine with hers."

"Yes, but she wasn't anorexic."

She literally chokes on her food and is still coughing when both of them start their speech about taking better care of her health and she tunes them out, they don't understand because she doesn't understand why she does it and when it started to become so evident.

They eventually shut up, trying to not push the issue too much and they make small talk after that.

She knows the conversation is far from over.

*/*

Glee club is being nice with her, sectionals are coming and she gladly gave her solo to Mercedes. She doesn't find so much pleasure in singing as she used to, now it's just routine; She's still perfect but with no emotion, singing loses it's essential purpose: to express feelings. Even in that she's worthless now.

She sucks at relationships, she sucks at being a good friend, she sucks at trying to be popular, and she just sucks.

It's Shelby's fault, for sucking as a mother.

*/*

"How's Glee Club going?" asked Shelby from her bed, making Rachel lift her head from her book.

"Glee, glee, glee, glee!" sang Beth from her mother's lap.

"Yes honey, glee club."

"It's good, I'm sure we are gonna win at Regionals. Santana and Noah are doing a great duet and we have a great choreography for our group number"

"Well, I'm happy for you. New Directions is an amazing group, very talented." Her mother told her with a smile, while she only looked at her with a serious face.

"Yet, you wouldn't coach it when I invited you to." She muttered bitterly.

"Rachel…"

"Don't; just don't try to explain yourself."

Rachel tried to read a few more lines before Shelby spoke again.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you feelings…"

"Seriously? You're apologizing now? What do you want? To die in peace?"

"Please, I'm trying to... be a better person."

"Shelby, it's not going to work with me"

"Why not? Give me a chance; I'm your mom…"

That was it, she completely lost it.

"No, no, no! You're not my mom! I only do this because I own you, you gave me life, but you're not my mom, do you understand?"

Rachel was standing in front of the bed, screaming at her. Shelby just looked at the door, when she turned around she saw Noah looking at them with huge, green eyes, his gaze shifting from her to Shelby and then to Beth, who pouted and extended her arms and squealed 'daddy!'. Noah simply took her in his arms and marched out of the room.

"That girl there is your daughter and you're her mom, not mine."

"But…"

"You left, okay? And then you came back but left me again because I didn't I needed you or something, but I needed you more than before!"

"But I'm here now, and I want to help you!"

"Help me with what?"

"With this! Me, dying!"

"I don't care."

"That's a lie."

"If it's easier for you to believe it is, I'll let you believe it"

"Then let's talk about Noah."

"What about him?"

"You're in love with him."

"How can you tell?"

"I wouldn't be your mom if I couldn't tell…"

"You're not my mom!"

"Why not, damnit? It's all I want to be!"

"Because you never told me bedtime stories! You never brought me a glass of water when I needed one, never watched a Disney musical with me or made me a Princess dress for a costume party!", she was breathing heavily and maybe even crying, but she needed to get it out.

"You weren't there when I got my period, when I kissed a boy for the first time or when I got slushied. You never took me shopping and spent hundred dollars in a pretty dress or took me to eat ice-cream. We never sang along to the radio or gave me some jewelry that belonged to you when you were younger, never bought make-up for me or took me to the beauty salon! You are not my mom because you never did anything that made you earn the title!"

Shelby just lay there, with tears in her eyes, and when she finished, she looked at Rachel in the eye and muttered "I'm sorry, I'm so so terribly sorry…"

Rachel left her there, head in her hands, crying about the daughter she lost.

As she walked across the parking lot, it occurred to her that she didn't have to mourn losing her mom. She never had one to begin with.

*/*

She didn't speak to Shelby for a week. Noah tried to talk her into forgiving her and making it easier for both, but she ignored him. She was pissed at him for ignoring her, for sleeping with her when he clearly didn't cared (or maybe he did, but not with the intensity she desired).

That Friday, They won Regionals. They jumped, they laughed, they cried, they cheered and honestly, it was about damn time. Sure, she didn't had a solo or anything, but she helped the team a lot; They finally understood that she was very musically-wise and much better than Mr. Schue when it came to knowledge of pitches and notes and music in general, so they became a better group when they started to actually listen to other opinions, there's also the fact that they had all matured a lot and learned to tolerate each other and be a close group.

Whatever it is, they're a much better group now, not everyone is best friends with everyone, but most of them are friends and have their own jokes and had lots of jamming' session and pool parties and stuff like that. It's nice, she's glad she can share these moments with friends like Kurt, Mercedes, Tina or Noah, because they care about her and she knows that they are glad to share it with her too.

They whole ride back to school is full of fun and group bonding, pictures and singing. When she was stepping off the bus, she saw something that shocked her to no end.

Shelby was standing in front of Rachel, she was leaning on her car, smiling. She walked towards her, completely lost on what did her mother wanted with her.

"What are you doing here?"

"Congratulations."

"Thanks, what are you doing here?"

"I came so we can spend the day together."

"But…"

"The hospital allowed me to have a day off with my daughter who would take care of me." She gave Rachel a hopeful smile. "Beth is with your dads."

By now, some of her fellow glee clubbers had gotten into their cars and driven away, only Noah, Kurt and Mercedes were standing there, watching the scene.

"And what do you plan we do?"

"I have an appointment for the beauty salon; get a nice manicure and some facial treatment. Then we go to the mall, spend some reckless amount of money in cute clothes then dinner and cinema. What do you think?"

Something inside of her jumped at her words, because now she understood that Shelby was willing to risk her health to earn herself the title of 'mom'. But isn't that what a real mom does? Sacrifices and all that?

She looked over at her fellow divas; they were smiling at her, Kurt with tears in her eyes. When her gaze directed to Noah's he sent her a warm smile and a nod. If he, who knew what abandonment was, thought this was a good idea then she would do it.

She got in the car with Shelby.

*/*

"I do believe she was in love with him."

"Then why did she just left him? She made both of them miserable."

"Because she thought she was doing something good, she was scared; many people find themselves in that situation."

"But you can't deny that it was wrong of her to hide her kid like that! I mean he has right!"

"You're right, but it was the same for her in the end. She left so both of them could achieve their dreams, that child kept her from making hers come true, she loved him too much to let that happen to him."

"Well, at least the ending was good. I mean, it's not super romantic but it's realistic you know? They both moved on, you don't stay forever in love with your high school-and-college sweetheart."

"And Natalie Portman is amazingly good in the role of his new wife, I mean, the scene where she discovers she can't have kids and decides to tell him about the visit the ex made? It was superb, simply fantastic."

"Yeah, it was amazing."

"Well, this is me."

"You sure you don't need me to take you to your room? You look kinda pale."

"Don't worry, I'm fine! Besides, you must have a celebration party to attend."

"Yep, Brittany's."

"Well, bye."

"Bye, take care."

They hugged for a long time, enjoying their tight embrace, which for the first time wasn't awkward or forced, jut a normal sweet hug.

She was touching the gold star necklet her mother had given her and Shelby was a few steps away from her car when she shouted.

"Hey mom!"

With a smile from ear to ear, Shelby turned around and asked "what sweetie?"

"This day was perfect."

The last memory she ever had of her mother is that of her with her brow eyes sparkling with happiness and a smile from ear to ear.

*/*

Shocking news aren't shocking just because they're unexpected, but also because they arrive at the worst possible time. Like, let's say, the most disastrous party you've ever attended.

She arrived at Brittany's house when the party was at its fullest. Obviously, celebration party is not exclusive to the actual glee club members.

It looked like the 'I Gotta Feeling' video clip, but with the excitement that this was all underage and illegal.

She's not a drinking person and probably will never be, but she enjoyed a few mixed drinks (but safe, like lots of juice and a little of vodka).

She thinks that if she had being drunk, the pain of this night would have been less. The pain of her mother dying, the pain of seeing Noah with other girl making out in an empty bedroom…

She arrived at the party an immediately she went towards Kurt and Mercedes, who were talking in a rather big group of people. It seemed like, outside school and with a bit of alcohol in their systems, the rest of the school body was nice to the glee club.

She danced for a while with her fiends (Mike, Finn, Sam, etc…) and then simply talked to her friends, generally having a nice time. But suddenly she felt something, like a pressure on her chest and a strange feeling of anguish. Wanting to be alone, she went upstairs to enjoy some time to herself.

Second door on the left. The image of what was inside that door remained burned in her mind for a long time: Noah and a girl were on the bed, with him on top. They were both shirtless and she was unbelting his pants while he tried to get her panties out of the way.

Later, they would come to her mind different details, like the fact that he was kissing the girl in much less gentle way than with her, or how he didn't even seemed to ant to see the girl naked, or talk her through it.

She gasped loudly and dramatically, in her natural way. They both turned around and she was this close to apologizing, when her eyes locked with his and she felt so angry and terribly hurt that she just turned around and left.

*/*

The good thing about big parties is that you can make a very quiet exit and nobody notices.

She was driving on her way home when her daddy called her with the news.

The first thing she did was stop the car in the middle of the street because she was suddenly unable to focus on anything. She cut the phone call and started to desperately gasp for air while parking the car properly.

Once she was out of any chances of getting killed herself, she started to cry uncontrollably.

It seemed like something inside of her heart had exploded and the pieces were all around and it hurt so so badly. A cold feeling expanded itself through her body letting her numb of any feeling but pain and anguish and utter sadness.

She had one, only one good memory of her mother. That was all she had of the person ho gave her life. Its weird how, in life, we can think so badly of a person yet when they die you start to think better of them. Suddenly, she regretted not having been nicer to her mother when she had her by her side.

She hates herself now, blaming her heart for being so cold and unforgiving with the person who only merely wanted to build a relationship with her. After all, the only thing Shelby did was following the original plans she had with her parents, a little later than planned, but still.

She texts her parents the address of where she parked and tells them she can't drive.

A little while later, they both arrive and her dad drives her car while she gets in their car, where her daddy silently hands her a bottle of water.

Once she arrives home she feels terribly cold and uncomfortable.

She's out of the door even before her dad closes it.

*/*

She runs all the way to the Puckerman house and knock loudly and obnoxiously at their door.

"Oh, hello Rachel."

She looks at her feet so Mrs. Puckerman doesn't see her tear-rimmed eyes. "Hi, I'm sorry but…"

"Your dad called me; I'm sorry about what happened."

"Yeah."

"Come on in, sweetie."

"Thanks."

She awkwardly stands in the end of the stairs while Mrs. Puckerman closes the door, "Do you want something to drink? Tea? Coffee? Water?"

"No, I just… I came to see Noah."

Mrs. Puckerman gave her a side smile and put a hand on her shoulder before speaking, "Noah is not home yet, but you can wait in the living room if you want, although he normally comes late from parties…"

"Do you mind if I… If I wait in his room?"

She really though Sarah was going to politely say no, but she just gave her that sad smile again and motioned for her to go up.

*/*

Mrs. Puckerman lets her alone in his room, and she just gets rid of her skirt and gets in his bed only in her panties and one of his McKinley sweatshirts that she found on his desk.

She's not really sleeping, but now that she's surrounded, indirectly, by him, she feels much relaxed and starts to silently cry all over again.

She's just lying there, burying her face in his pillow to feel his scent, when she hears his voice. She can hear his mom speaking and then his loud 'what' followed by his mother shushing him, a few minutes later he enters the room and she pretends to be asleep.

He feels him sitting on the bed next to her, and he smells like alcohol and cigarettes (but not sex), then starts to caress her head with his calloused fingers. Then he gets up, and the noise indicates her he's moving in his bathroom and then in around his room before exiting the room again.

He comes back later freshly showered and in some sweatpants that, she assumes, are his pajamas.

She opens her eyes and starts sucking her thumb nervously at the though of what he's going to do now.

Then she meets his gaze and she starts crying all over gain as he gets in bed an starts playing with her hair until she calm down a little (but keeps crying).

He pushes her against his chest and she cries silently until her tears finally dry, probably because she doesn't have any more water in her body to cry, and she's clinging to him almost desperately, managing to feel at least a little better, knowing he's with her, arms around her, holding her.

She falls asleep in Noah's strong embrace.

*/*

She wakes up when the sun hits her face, Noah is still sleeping with his arms around her, so she doesn't move, just watches out the window as the world starts the day.

She feels like the world is different now or at least her world is. It seems that now that she has cried her eyes out, she sees differently. Her world is less brighter and life doesn't seem to be as exciting, amazing or scaring as it used to be, is much more dull and has much less sense that it used to have.

Now that her mom is dead, she looks at the world with terrified brand new eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer:__ I don't own anything, just my ideas and my creations._

_A.N.: Things are coming to an end in this story… We're getting close to the ending._

_Part IV_

Early in his life, he started questioning God's existence. He's been through enough shit in his life to do so: drunken abusive dad, bankrupts, teenage pregnancy, juvie, you choose.

However, he has to admit that when Beth came to his life, he thanked God. Yes, he thinks teenage pregnancy made his life shitty, but he also knows that he is a better person when he has to take care of someone or when he wants to make someone proud.

He was a good kid as a child, not innocent (seriously, no) but he wanted to make his father proud, so he was awesome. Then his dad left…

But he had a sister to take care of, so he was a little devil but still responsible when needed, then his sister got big enough to take care of herself and become 'annoying little sister' (God, he misses the 'cute little sister' days…). That's when he became such an asshole.

He does stupid things because he has no one to impress and, seriously? Why does it matter? Just because he does pranks and not-damaging illegal stuff here and there, doesn't mean he's gonna end up in jail. When he finds what he wants to do with his life (aside from getting the hell out of Lima), he's going to care about being serious.

So, he acted the way he wanted to because he didn't have a reason not to, but then Quinn and Beth happened.

Just to be clear, he did loved Quinn and probably always will, in a weird way. She's the mother of his child, period. He can't explain it better than that.

Beth was perfect and she was a reason to become a better person, she was a reason to make something out of himself and all that shit. But then they took her away, and the rest is history.

When Beth came around again, he was so fucking thankful to God, that he promised Him that he'd be the good Jew his ma thinks he is.

When Rachel and fucking Love came around, he wanted to kick God's holy sacred ass.

*/*

In his arms Rachel sleeps peacefully, the tears finally gone from her face. She looks beautiful sleeping, even more vulnerable and innocent as her usual 'awaked' look.

She also looks very pale, extremely thin and sick.

He's in love with her, but he's not acting on it. In all honesty, he's kind of afraid to do so.

And he doesn't mean it in an 'afraid-of-commitment' douche-istic kind of way, more like 'afraid-of-getting-hurt' kind of way. Call him a pussy if you want but girl has issues and he can get hurt if he asks too much of her (Quinn was enough, thank you very much.) Putting the pressure of a relationship into a girl with deep crappy mother/ cheating boyfriend/ low self-esteem issues? Not a fucking good idea.

If they slept together in the first place is because she needed him (and he cared), they both were in an awful emotional state and she wanted it as much as he did. (Which is a fucking hell of a lot.)

He's seen enough to know that if one part of a relationship is fucked up, the relationship will end up being fucked up too. Take his parents marriage as an example.

So, he's not her boyfriend, but he's totally okay with being her boy friend, besides, he knows that as soon as she's over this, they will be a couple of hot Jews like they're meant to be. And he's sure it's going to happen because Shelby told him she was in love with him (he did a happy dance but he'll deny it if anyone dares to ask), and mothers are supposed to know about this stuff. Hell, after what Rachel and he pulled out tonight, he's pretty sure his ma knows too.

He wished he had been there when she got the news, but when she saw him with… redhead chick, she ran away really fast, leaving him guilty and shameful. Of course he doesn't technically own her any explanation, but he has to admit he was kind of a jack ass.

It's just that, it's all going too fast and he feels like it's getting out of control, and trying to be with her, when she also has issues of her own it's just… too hard. He's eighteen; this feels so… out of this world.

He just wished it was easier to stay away from her, because the whole time he tried to push her away, he couldn't help but watch her like a creep.

He supposes that's the way it is when you're in love. Truth being told, drama aside, the feeling is kinda awesome.

Being in love feels good.

*/*

He wakes her up and takes her to the only restaurant that has vegan food in Lima (a bit expensive, he must add), and basically has to force her to eat properly.

Seriously, when the waitress comes to ask their orders, she asks for a glass of water and a fruit salad.

Fuck that noise.

He's pretty sure he makes her eat more than she had eaten in a fucking week.

*/*

Beth, Rachel and him don't go the funeral or the service or whatever. Her dads deal with everything. (He thinks her dads are awesome.)

They stay at his house and eat a lot and watch movies. He thinks it's weird that she can laugh. If his mom died, he would be devastated. He asks her about it.

She answers that Shelby was her mom for only a day, before that she was just a person whose only connection to her was blood.

He kind of understands what she's saying: He doesn't feel any connection to his dad, or at least he wouldn't if he saw him. That man was an asshole who doesn't deserve to be called a dad.

But that's another story. Point is, Rachel doesn't seem too affected with the whole thing.

It actually worries him a little.

*/*

The first few weeks after Shelby's death are quiet peaceful. Rachel and him are close again because she needs him, he can sense that. She also seems to spend a lot of time with Diva-Boy and Aretha.

He honestly expected a bigger reaction to her mother's death. She looks sad, but seems to be holding up very well most of the time.

Except sometimes he believes she's just bottling shit up and is eventually going to explode in a big dramatic event. He's not sure what he can do to help her so he's just gonna wait.

*/*

There's an issue however, that is keeps bringing up fights between them (and between her and her lady-friends and her parents): Eating.

She seriously has a problem with eating, it's getting dangerous.

The other day he was picking her up and twisting her for their dance routine for Nationals (they're totally gonna win this shit) and… Well, he's pretty sure his backpack weighed more than her. He mentions this to her parents.

At the end of a very heated discussion (he was in the middle of it and Rachel expected him to be on her side, the poor girl) it was decided that Rach would have to go see a shrink.

*/*

The whole shrink thing didn't work as quickly as he expected. Of course Rachel doesn't tell much about it, she simply informs all of them that this guy basically makes her 'talk'. That's it.

A few weeks later, she get a prescription for anti-depressants, and thing don't exactly go back to normal but it's better than how they were going.

She's not the same bubbly energetic Rachel but she's much more cheerful than before and she even sings a solo in Glee.

The end up fucking on her bed one day her dads are in a business trip. They didn't mean to, but Rachel suddenly straddled him and she looked so cute that he started to play with her hair in a super gay way, but whatever, she starts to giggle and then, out of nowhere, they are having sex in her yellow-colored bedroom.

A few weeks go by and she seems to be better, so they come to a tacit agreement that they can be together now. So new they hold hands and kiss each other cheeks and all that stuff girls like.

A few of her old crazy traces come back and he loves it; the old Rachel who was spontaneous and talked endlessly. It's honestly really fun to be wioth her when she's like this. They have sex a lot, but then they cuddle and she talks and he listens until his ears hurt, so he kisses her to shut her up. They go out with Beth, or maybe alone, and they seem like a normal couple with no problem whatsoever.

She seems to be doing better in the eating apartment, but not as much as he would like, so he goes to the glee club for that. Her psychiatrist didn't give her any more anti-depressants and he's pretty sure that means she's gonna have like a crash effect or something. So he's going to ask the Glee club for help.

*/*

He's amazed about how much the Glee Club has grown. Not in the 'numbers of people' thing, but in the 'emotional' one. They're not all friends with each other, but they're not enemies either.

If any of the member needs tutoring in a subject, someone would offer to help, they have gatherings every once in a while and even the ones who hated each other (Santana and Rachel, Finn and Sam, whoever got mad at the other for something stupid, etc) are now civil and nice for the benefit of the club.

That means when he enlists the glee club to help him with Rachel they do help. They all understand that she has some problems holding up now that she doesn't have her pills, and that the whole eating problem can get really serious if they don't do something.

Surprisingly it is Quinn who manages to get a response other than 'I'm fine' from Rachel.

When he founds out about the whole eating disorder he feels kind of guilty, he always knew Quinn was the kind of girl who worries about her image, but never to the extend that it seemed to take. Suddenly the words 'you're not fat' ringed in his ears and he realized why Quinn needed to hear that simple line so much.

"So… Quinn was like... anorexic?"

At his comment, Rachel simply rolls her eyes.

"Of course not, she's a cheerleader, she needs energy. But she knows what it's like to starve yourself for no real reason whatsoever or a stupid reason that makes no sense at all."

"Rachel, you are under a lot of pressure, it's understandable."

"It's stupid."

"Don't be too hard on yourself; you're going through a lot."

"Shut up, thanks to you now I have to go see a shrink."

"Wait a freaking second, how is that my fault?"

"You could've said something to my parents, be on my side or whatever."

"Didn't we just agree that you need help?"

"Yes, well Quinn's help is okay but thanks to you I have to go talk for hours to some idiot with a notepad."

"You should really stop being so mean to people who wants to help you."

"You should stop trying to be my hero or something; I can take care of myself perfectly!"

"Right."

"I did take care of your daughter for half a year without any complaint, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but we are talking about taking care of yourself which you, apparently, suck at."

"You're such an ass!"

"And you're being an idiot"

Okay, not his brightest moment right there, but the thing is that lately Rachel seems to be borderline for real suicidal depressive and it's starting to bother him. He's not trying to be an asshole but the fact is that she seems to bring a raining cloud right above her head and all her depression expands to those who are around her. He's talked about this with Kurt and he knows her other friends feel the same way too.

Rachel eats just so that nobody will tell her a damn thing, she sings because she seems to be almost scared that the glee club will tell her anything, she smiles only when forced to by social situations and she seems to be simply dragging herself through life. She's like a roller coaster, up and down.

So yeah, he's fucking exhausted of trying to help her when she clearly doesn't wan to help or cooperate at all. Besides, it's not like it's easy for the two of them. Truth being told, raising a baby is much harder than it seems and he spends quite a lot of time trying to be a good dad (even if it's a baby as adorable and well-raised and not-spoiled like Beth) and working in Sheets-N-Things AND Breadstix and when he's not doing either, he's trying to cheer up his girlfriend when he's fucking exhausted and the last thing he need is to come home to a depressed and stubborn girl.

The point is he's tired and yet he's making an effort to because she's obviously not good but here she is acting like a drug-addict who doesn't want to go to rehab.

He's upset, she's upset and there' yelling and stupid accusations and at some moment she says some shit about him not being her dad and then he loses it and makes the mistake of telling her what was going through his mind (which is not exactly nice words).

"Damn it, I'm so tired of this shit! I can't stand you right now! No wonder you had such a hard time finding friends!"

He starts apologizing because, well, shit that's just an awful thing to say, but she storms out before

*/*

Three hours later, he's starting to get worried because Rachel won't answer the phone and he seriously thought that by now she wouldn't be pissed anymore. Apparently she is because today was supposed to be the day that Beth sleeps at her house and the little girl is getting impatient and going all 'Wach, Wach!".

So there he is, trying to calm his daughter when Rachel parents call him.

They are on their way to the hospital.

Rachel had slit her wrists with an X-acto knife.

*/*

He's sitting on one of the plastic chairs. Dani is on his left, Beth on his lap. He tries to distract himself by distracting his daughter whom, unsurprisingly, abhors hospitals.

He let a few tears fall but didn't really cry. He's feeling a lot right now; He's fucking scared that Rachel did something like trying to take a way her life, he's glad that she' fine but at the same time he's mad at her for all this.

Five minutes later, her dads come out with red eyes and they take the girls for some ice-cream in order to relax. He's left alone in Rachel's room.

The sight of her is not shocking; sadly he's seen her sleeping in a hospital bed before. She looks very peaceful sleeping.

It makes him wonder if maybe she needed this to release some tension.

He holds her hand and then tars comes down his face because, hell he loves her and there she is, taking herself away from him and all he wants to do is keep her safe and good and happy.

It is clear now, than that's far from happening anytime soon.

_A.N.: I want to apologize for not updating in so long. Believe me, I realize how long it has been since the last chapter and what a bad writer it makes me but the last six months have been very difficult to me. I'm not particularly fond of sharing personal information, but what happened is that my mother is very sick (it's her liver) and things have not being easy in my house lately, that plus the fact that we're not in our best economic situation (we're facing a few problems) and my senior year of high school (which is not exactly easy either) made it really difficult for me to update. _

_Luckily, things have gotten a little better at home and now I'm in my best mood to start writing again__! Also, this is not betaed in any form, so please excuse my mistakes and point them out!_

_Also, I recently started my own tumblr: http : / / winginoverthings . tumblr . com_

_I'd love it if you followed me!_


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